We all have issues and situations that are ‘off limits’ to talk about in our personal relationships with friends and family members. We call these taboo topics. It may be the residue from divorced parents. A secret porn addiction. A child that you didn’t know you had and just found out about. What about the best friend that experienced a loss of a child and just became so distant that your friendship is a skeleton of what it used to be?

Taboo topics infect our personal relationships. Situations that happen in relationships and we just don’t know what to do or what to say. Whether we realize it or not, or accept it or not, these topics that we will not talk about affect the relationship, our emotional health, and our mental health. We must become comfortable with the uncomfortable topics. The difficult topics must be addressed; we need to heal individually and collectively for the relationships to be reset and to be built better.

Healing can start with communication. Not talking. But communicating. What is the difference? Talking is the exchange of thoughts or opinions in spoken or sign language. Communication is the successful conveying (understanding) or sharing of ideas and feelings. The key difference lies in the ‘successful conveying’ which usually occurs when we can check-in with one another for understanding. If we are speaking with different understandings or definitions of You may wonder, how do you check-in with someone about their understanding or feelings regarding something you shared with them.

Keep reading for 3 practical questions you can ask to check-in with a loved one for understanding:

1. When you said X, I interpreted it to mean Y. That does not mean that is what you meant to say however it is how I understand what you said. I am sharing the thoughts in my mind to give you understanding how I processed what was said.
2. I know you said, X, but I define X as Y. Is that how you define X? I am asking because I want to make sure we are speaking with the same understanding.
3. Okay, so when you said X, it made me feel Y because my experience with X is Z. I just wanted you to know that what you said affected me in this way.

If we ask these questions, we will learn more about ourselves and the other person.

Let’s get comfortable with uncomfortable conversations!