In the U.S., the divorce rate is still hovering around 50% for first marriages. For subsequent marriages, the divorce rate is even higher. Second marriages have a divorce rate of 67%, with third marriages faring even worse, with a 73% divorce rate.

Those statistics might be news to some and a reminder to others. The numbers are highlighted here to give perspective that with data like this, it is difficult for most of us to have not experienced the effects of divorce in some way. With that said, divorce can cause quite a mess among friends and families and leave some of us feeling isolated, ashamed, or even contagious. I mention feeling contagious because there are times when folks avoid people either going through a divorce or just on the other side of the divorce like they can catch a divorce!

By sheer definition, the decision and subsequent process of going through a divorce is actively separating and can be difficult for most folks to navigate. It is during this time when family and friends matter most. Unfortunately, the situation can be unpredictable and turn sour for those involved. Oftentimes, we are not sure of what to do or how to support a loved one or ask for support if we are experiencing divorce ourselves. There is an unspoken belief that we must ‘pick sides’ or make choices about who we will maintain a relationship with and who we should stop communicating with all together.

The reality is divorce does not have to make relationships ‘weird’, uncertain, or confusing. Keep reading for five tips on how to navigate through divorce with yourself or others by using communication to your advantage:

1. Extend grace. Unmerited kindness and favor are often lacking during times of divorce. Given the circumstances, it is understandable how relationships become strained and difficult to navigate. Yet, it is still necessary to give grace to others. When we are navigating difficult and unknown situations, we are often most critical of ourselves. Having someone else also be critical can be overwhelming. Be kind. Be sympathetic. Say something nice.
2. Communicate honestly. A component of a divorce is often attributed to some communication problem. Whether there is the belief that communication just ‘stopped’, there was ‘miscommunication’, or communication was just ‘broken’, there is usually a root of the discord surrounding communication. We can’t go back in time; we can’t unsay things we said. We can move forward and use honesty in our communication about how we feel, how we are affected by what we are experiencing, and own things we have said and/or done.
3. Be encouraged. The process of divorce can be deflating. Divorce does not define anyone. Divorce is not the worst thing in life that can happen. It is a season that will change. Therefore, know that whatever it looks like know, it will be better. Whatever you think now of the situation now, it is not permanent. It is a season of life.
4. Direct your energy. Managing emotions and relationships take energy from us. We are finite beings with a limited supply every day of what we can give. Oftentimes, we give energy to the world, friends, family, and leave ourselves with the leftovers or nothing at all. Be mindful and respectful of your energy. Invest it in things and people that matter most, including yourself.
5. Silent presence is communication. When folks are experiencing a difficult time in life and we don’t know what to say, we usually say the wrong thing! Not on purpose but because there is a feeling that something should be said. Not true. When someone is in pain or in a difficult season of life, sometimes, just showing up and sitting next to them is an incredible form of support. Sitting in silence communicates support, encouragement, and reassurance that they are not alone.