The concept of “self-talk,” or carrying on an internal conversation with oneself, can be leveraged for our advantage. While the definition of “self-talk” has great debate, there is some agreement that self-talk affects our impulses, actions, and even achievement of goals. It may also influence emotional reactions. Simply put, self-talk impacts what we do and what we communicate. There are different types of self-talk, but I will highlight two types of self-talk to simplify the idea.

Negative self-talk. Almost all of us experience negative internal self-talk at times; some of us more than others. An internal voice may remind us of past failures, moments of regrets, or disappointments. It may sound like, “I am such a loser”, “I will never succeed at this”, “I have always been a failure”, “My brother was right, I am stupid.” This kind of internal voice can cause us to feel angry, sad, anxious, and hopeless which are not very helpful, in fact can be harmful to our self-esteem, reaching goals, and succeeding in life.

Positive self-talk. Typically, positive self-talk, or speaking to ourselves in an encouraging and uplifting way is a concept most of us are familiar with. An internal voice may sound like, “I can do this”, “I am loved”, “I am creative.” This kind of internal voice can cause of to have high self-esteem, positive attitude, be more successful, seek greater opportunities and pursue greater goals.

While we all contend with self-talk, it is important to recognize that our internal voices, whether positive or negative, are learned from other people. This is powerful because that means if we learned something negative then we are responsible for unlearning other people’s negative views of us. We can transform the negative internal voices and change our mood, feeling, emotions, and actions. Similarly, we can leverage positive self-talk to strengthen our self-esteem and improve our overall well-being. Keep reading for two (2) tips on how to turn negative self-talk to positive self-talk:

• Acknowledge the negative and identify the positive. Oftentimes we can point out everything that is wrong with us or others. However, we forget there is a positive point for a negative point, and we should also identify and own the positive aspect of the situation. Here are some examples of what that might sound like:
  • “I am not where I thought I would be by now, but I have made great progress, and I am closer to my goal.”
  • “I did not get a job offer from that company, but I have three more interviews scheduled and I am still submitting my resume.”
  • “I did not have my father in my life, and I had low self-esteem as a result, but I am learning that I am a great person and I have great men around me that provide father-like relationships.

• Change physical location. There are times when physically moving our bodies also moves our attention. Our internal voices are usually tied to memories of the past and can only exist insofar as we resurrect them and bring them into the present moment. However, we don’t have to accept the thoughts of our mind to relive our past. We can arrest those thoughts, transform our internal voice, and identify the positive aspect of our present life. Here are some examples of what that may look like in real life:
  • If being in a particular space (e.g., like a childhood home) increases the frequency and intensity of negative internal voices, remove yourself physically. Simply leaving a place or creating distance between another person can improve mood.
  • Identify the negative event and feelings associate with it and then arrest the thought. For example, if every time you enter your childhood home, you relive the years of abuse, you need to acknowledge the thought, transform the voice, and identify the positive. That may sound like, “I spent 10 years being abused in this very room, but I survived it and my identify is not based on what happened to me. I am processing what happened to me and I am loved and valuable in this world.”

We believe what we say to ourselves more than we believe what others say to us. Therefore, communicate positive words to yourself. Be kind to yourself.

You need to hear you lift you up!