It is easy to believe that communication is primarily vocal. However, communication can be complicated as it is comprised of many factors that we observe to make meaning of what we are seeing and hearing. For example, we consider body language, voice tone, vocal variety, and actual words, among other things. However, reflecting on communication encounters can often be overlooked as a great opportunity and necessary step for us improve our communication skills.

Think about a recent encounter, whether positive or negative, with someone. Now think about how your felt and how you think the other person felt during and after the conversation. Think about how the encounter could have gone differently. Think about how you might have done or said something differently. Reflect on the outcome. Consider how you will manage communication with this person moving forward.  All these points from one encounter affect communication moving forward.

Typically, events that we recall from memory are not as reliable as we think. So, this is a great opportunity to write out what we perceived happened. As a bit of an exercise, I encourage you to think about a communication encounter that you consider negative. Now, answer the following five (5) questions:

• What happened or what was said for you to think the communication was negative?
• Would the other person also think the communication was negative?
• What did you contribute to the situation to make the communication negative?
• What did that other person contribute to make the communication negative?
• How will this situation affect the way you communicate with the person in the future? Is that how you want it to be?

As you write down the answers to the above questions, there is opportunity for reflection on your perception of what happened and what was said and how things were interpreted. You can also take the opportunity to write a different ending. Perhaps, scribble what you could have done to get the better outcome. After you can write and read how your perspective on what happened, you have choices of what to do next.

A few things you might do next:

1) you might share it with the person

2) decide that you will respond differently when placed in a similar situation

3) discuss it with a friend and ask them if your response it typical of how you behave and how can you improve your communication.

While not an exhaustive list of next steps for you, this is a great start to help you improve your communication.

Stepping outside of your normal communication routine is essential for growth. When your mind isn’t so locked into the typical pattern of how you communicate, you can change your communication habits.

In my book, You Don’t Say, you can learn more about the communication continuum and how each communication encounter builds on the previous experience and impacts future communication.