You Don't Say A blog by Demetria McNeal, PhD

The concept of “self-talk,” or carrying on an internal conversation with oneself, can be leveraged for our advantage. While the definition of “self-talk” has great debate, there is some agreement that self-talk affects our impulses, actions, and even achievement of goals. It may also influence emotional reactions. Simply put, self-talk impacts what we do and…

We cannot leave this world other than through death. In fact, 100% of people will face this reality. Death is a certainty. Yet there is a great deal of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety surrounding conversations around death. How we would like to be cared for when health conditions change is also cause for discussion. Why…

One of the greatest transformational coaches of our generation, Dr. Dharius Daniels, is an avid believer in establishing and maintaining boundaries. I agree with him, when he articulated this axiom, “setting a boundary for me is not a judgement of you…in fact, my boundary for me has nothing to do with you…” This is so…

The United States is the undisputed leader in mass incarceration of any country in the world. The U.S. locks up more people per capita than any other nation, at the staggering rate of 565 per 100,000 residents. There are ~2 million people behind bars at any given time which represents nearly 1% of the adult…

We should take inventory regularly of what is going on in our lives. We should start with our schedule because it represents time. Our decisions determine how our time is spent. We are making decisions that ultimately are negotiations for time. So, if we are not evaluating how we spend our time regularly, there is…

We talk way too much. We talk way too much about things that are not our business. We talk way too much to people we should not be talking to in the first place. We talk way too much about things we think we know about. There is value in knowing when to stay silent.…

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have been teaching us about boundaries for almost three decades. And in that time, we all can still get it wrong. In the simplest term, it’s a line of demarcation. A boundary establishes ownership and responsibility in a relationship. Whether it is personal or professional, boundaries allow us to…

In the U.S., the divorce rate is still hovering around 50% for first marriages. For subsequent marriages, the divorce rate is even higher. Second marriages have a divorce rate of 67%, with third marriages faring even worse, with a 73% divorce rate. Those statistics might be news to some and a reminder to others. The…

There are times when we are asked questions that are offensive, inappropriate, or simply rude. Period. When we find ourselves in these situations, we are so stunned we don’t know what do to or how to respond. In fact, most of us simply try to ignore the question, excuse ourselves, or laugh in the moment…

We all have issues and situations that are ‘off limits’ to talk about in our personal relationships with friends and family members. We call these taboo topics. It may be the residue from divorced parents. A secret porn addiction. A child that you didn’t know you had and just found out about. What about the…