You Don't Say A blog by Demetria McNeal, PhD

Body language, behavior, and words we choose to use are byproducts of thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The two are inextricably linked. It is inevitable that what we feel inside will eventually come out. It can come out by shouting at people who have no idea of what is going on. It can come out by…

When the colors of the leaves change and the temperature drops outside and we roll the clocks back one hour, to many of us that signals the holiday season is approaching. We may start planning holiday meals or scribble lists of gifts we plan to give over the next several months. It can be a…

It is easy to believe that communication is primarily vocal. However, communication can be complicated as it is comprised of many factors that we observe to make meaning of what we are seeing and hearing. For example, we consider body language, voice tone, vocal variety, and actual words, among other things. However, reflecting on communication…

The concept of “self-talk,” or carrying on an internal conversation with oneself, can be leveraged for our advantage. While the definition of “self-talk” has great debate, there is some agreement that self-talk affects our impulses, actions, and even achievement of goals. It may also influence emotional reactions. Simply put, self-talk impacts what we do and…

We cannot leave this world other than through death. In fact, 100% of people will face this reality. Death is a certainty. Yet there is a great deal of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety surrounding conversations around death. How we would like to be cared for when health conditions change is also cause for discussion. Why…

One of the greatest transformational coaches of our generation, Dr. Dharius Daniels, is an avid believer in establishing and maintaining boundaries. I agree with him, when he articulated this axiom, “setting a boundary for me is not a judgement of you…in fact, my boundary for me has nothing to do with you…” This is so…

The United States is the undisputed leader in mass incarceration of any country in the world. The U.S. locks up more people per capita than any other nation, at the staggering rate of 565 per 100,000 residents. There are ~2 million people behind bars at any given time which represents nearly 1% of the adult…

We should take inventory regularly of what is going on in our lives. We should start with our schedule because it represents time. Our decisions determine how our time is spent. We are making decisions that ultimately are negotiations for time. So, if we are not evaluating how we spend our time regularly, there is…

We talk way too much. We talk way too much about things that are not our business. We talk way too much to people we should not be talking to in the first place. We talk way too much about things we think we know about. There is value in knowing when to stay silent.…

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have been teaching us about boundaries for almost three decades. And in that time, we all can still get it wrong. In the simplest term, it’s a line of demarcation. A boundary establishes ownership and responsibility in a relationship. Whether it is personal or professional, boundaries allow us to…